Golf Jokes

   
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Guide 4 Golf   >   Golf Articles   >   Golf Jokes

   
 

 

Golf Jokes


Golfer: "I'm going to drown myself in that lake over there."

Caddy: "Do you think that you can keep your head down that long?"



The 10 Unalterable Laws of Golf
  1. Golf is a test of your skill against your opponent's luck.

  2. Golfers who claim not to cheat, also lie.

  3. If your opponent has trouble remembering whether he shot a six or a seven, he probably shot an eight.

  4. There are only two kinds of bounces: unfair, and ones that went just the way you meant to play them.

  5. The shortest distance between any two points on a golf course, is a straight line: A straight line that passes through a very large tree.

  6. If you are unable to keep your head still, and you look up, causing a bad shot, you will look down again at the exact moment when you should be watching the ball if you ever want to find it again.

  7. Bad shots always come in threes. If you believe that you performed your fourth bad shot in a row, you're wrong: it's actually the first of the next group of three.

  8. If it ain't broke, try changing your grip.

  9. Any ball that you can see in the rough from more than 2 feet away, isn't yours.

  10. No matter how badly you are currently playing, it's always possible to play worse.


Golfer: "I just got a set of golf clubs for my wife."

Caddy: "Great trade!"



A man comes home from his Saturday afternoon golf game, and his wife asks, "Why don't you play with Tom Paxton anymore?"

The husband replies, "Would you want to play golf with somebody who cheats in virtually every single game, swears like a foul-mouthed sailor, lies about his score, and doesn't have a good word to say about anybody else on the course?"

"Of course not" replies wife.

"Well," says the husband, "neither would Tom Paxton."



Golfer: "Do you think that my game is improving?"

Caddy: "Oh yes. You miss the ball much closer now."



Funny Golf Quotes

"Golf is a game in which one endeavors to control a ball with implements ill adapted for the purpose."
    - Woodrow Wilson

" The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course."
    - Billy Graham

"It's good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling."
    - Mark Twain

"Golf, like measles, should be caught young."
    - P. G. Wodehouse



Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break one hundred on this course."

Caddy: "Try heaven. You've already moved most of the earth."



More Funny Golf Quotes

"I know I'm getting better at golf because I'm hitting fewer spectators."
    - Gerald Ford

"I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles."
    - G. K. Chesterton

"If you think it's hard to meet new people,try picking up the wrong golf ball."
    - Jack Lemmon

"They say golf is like life, but don't believe them. Golf is more complicated than that."
    - Gardner Dickinson




Related Links

These websites may also be of interest:
Golf Humor Books

Here are some books with golf jokes and humor:

Disclosure: Products details and descriptions provided by Amazon.com. Our company may receive a payment if you purchase products from them after following a link from this website.

The Golfer's Excuse Handbook: Golfertainment for Good and Bad Golfers (Funny Golf Gift for Men and Women)

By Kurt Taylor

ZONULAR
Released: November 17th, 2022
Paperback (104 pages)

The Golfer s Excuse Handbook: Golfertainment for Good and Bad Golfers (Funny Golf Gift for Men and Women)
Lowest New Price: $11.90*
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Description:
The Golfer's Excuse Handbook: Golfertainment for Good and Bad Golfers (Funny Golf Gift for Men and Women)
  • Manufacturer: Red Panda Press
  • Brand: ZONULAR
  • EAN: 9798887680132
  • PartNumber: 9798887680132
Details:
  • Paperback
  • Number of Pages: 104
  • Author: Kurt Taylor
  • Publication Date: November 17th, 2022
  • Release Date: November 17th, 2022
Physical Description:
  • Size: 8.0 inches by 5.0 inches by 0.24 inches
  • Weight: 0.24 pounds
Click here for more information

Golf Jokes: 350 Hilarious Quips, Zingers, and Belly Laughs

By Joshua Shifrin

Skyhorse
Released: October 26th, 2021
Paperback (144 pages)

Golf Jokes: 350 Hilarious Quips, Zingers, and Belly Laughs
Lowest New Price: $14.99*
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Description:
Golf Jokes: 350 Hilarious Quips, Zingers, and Belly Laughs
  • Manufacturer: Skyhorse
  • ISBN: 1510767045
  • EAN: 9781510767041
  • PartNumber: 9781510767041
Details:
  • Paperback
  • Number of Pages: 144
  • Author: Joshua Shifrin
  • Publication Date: October 26th, 2021
  • Release Date: October 26th, 2021
Physical Description:
  • Size: 9.0 inches by 6.0 inches by 0.5 inches
  • Weight: 0.89948602896 Pounds
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For the Golfer Who Has Everything: A Funny Golf Book (For People Who Have Everything Series)

By Team Golfwell

Independently Published Iaerlllt
Released: September 14th, 2020
Paperback (85 pages)

For the Golfer Who Has Everything: A Funny Golf Book (For People Who Have Everything Series)
Lowest New Price: $9.95*
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Description:
For the Golfer Who Has Everything: A Funny Golf Book (For People Who Have Everything Series)
  • Manufacturer: Independently published
  • Brand: Independently Published Iaerlllt
  • EAN: 9798685107633
Details:
  • Paperback
  • Number of Pages: 85
  • Author: Team Golfwell
  • Publication Date: September 14th, 2020
  • Release Date: September 14th, 2020
Physical Description:
  • Size: 9.0 inches by 6.0 inches by 0.2 inches
  • Weight: 0.27998707274 pounds
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501 Excuses for a Bad Golf Shot: (Funny Christmas Golf Gift for Men and Women)

By Justin J Exner

DK
Released: May 1st, 2016
Hardcover (144 pages)

501 Excuses for a Bad Golf Shot: (Funny Christmas Golf Gift for Men and Women)
List Price: $9.99*
Lowest New Price: $9.29*
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Description:
501 Excuses for a Bad Golf Shot: (Funny Christmas Golf Gift for Men and Women)
  • Manufacturer: Sourcebooks
  • Brand: DK
  • ISBN: 1492641227
  • UPC: 760789261251
  • EAN: 9781492641223
  • PartNumber: 9781492641223
Details:
  • Hardcover
  • Format: Picture Book
  • Edition: 3
  • Number of Pages: 144
  • Author: Justin J Exner
  • Publication Date: May 1st, 2016
  • Release Date: May 1st, 2016
Physical Description:
  • Size: 6.25 inches by 6.25 inches by 0.61 inches
  • Weight: 2.314853751 Pounds
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Why You Suck at Golf: 50 Most Common Mistakes by Recreational Golfers

By Clive Scarff

Ravenrock Publishing Inc.
Released: September 19th, 2011
Paperback (71 pages)

Why You Suck at Golf: 50 Most Common Mistakes by Recreational Golfers
Lowest New Price: $9.99*
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Description:
Why You Suck at Golf: 50 Most Common Mistakes by Recreational Golfers
  • Manufacturer: Ravenrock Publishing Inc.
  • Brand: Ravenrock Publishing Inc.
  • ISBN: 192706905X
  • UPC: 884765147749
  • EAN: 9781927069059
  • PartNumber: 9781927069059
Details:
  • Paperback
  • Number of Pages: 71
  • Author: Clive Scarff
  • Publication Date: September 19th, 2011
  • Release Date: September 19th, 2011
Physical Description:
  • Size: 8.5 inches by 5.5 inches by 0.16 inches
  • Weight: 0.2094391489 Pounds
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Golf's Best Excuses: 150 Hilarious Excuses Every Golf Player Should Know

By Joshua Shifrin

Skyhorse
Released: October 1st, 2019
Paperback (168 pages)

Golf s Best Excuses: 150 Hilarious Excuses Every Golf Player Should Know
Lowest New Price: $12.99*
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Description:
Golf's Best Excuses: 150 Hilarious Excuses Every Golf Player Should Know
  • Manufacturer: Skyhorse
  • Brand: Skyhorse
  • ISBN: 1510744754
  • EAN: 9781510744752
  • PartNumber: 9781510744752
Details:
  • Paperback
  • Number of Pages: 168
  • Author: Joshua Shifrin
  • Publication Date: October 1st, 2019
  • Release Date: October 1st, 2019
Physical Description:
  • Size: 7.0 inches by 5.0 inches by 0.5 inches
  • Weight: 2.314853751 Pounds
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Curious George Plays Mini Golf

By H. A. Rey

Clarion
Released: August 25th, 2008
Paperback (24 pages)

Curious George Plays Mini Golf
List Price: $5.99*
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Description:
Curious George Plays Mini Golf
  • Manufacturer: Clarion Books
  • Brand: Clarion
  • Model: 9780618999866
  • ISBNs: 9780618999866, 0618999868
  • EAN: 9780618999866
  • PartNumber: 9780618999866
Details:
  • Paperback
  • Edition: CGTV Reader
  • Number of Pages: 24
  • Author: H. A. Rey
  • Publication Date: August 25th, 2008
  • Release Date: August 25th, 2008
Physical Description:
  • Size: 9.0 inches by 6.0 inches by 0.138 inches
  • Weight: 0.9479877266 pounds
Click here for more information

World's Toughest Golf Holes Official 2025 12 X 24 Inch Monthly Square Wall Calendar Plastic-Free

By Browntrout

BrownTrout
Released: August 1st, 2024
Calendar (28 pages)

World s Toughest Golf Holes Official 2025 12 X 24 Inch Monthly Square Wall Calendar Plastic-Free
Lowest New Price: $16.99*
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Description:
World's Toughest Golf Holes Official 2025 12 X 24 Inch Monthly Square Wall Calendar Plastic-Free
  • Manufacturer: Browntrout Publishers
  • Brand: BrownTrout
  • ISBN: 1975479858
  • EAN: 9781975479855
  • PartNumber: 7985-5
Details:
  • Product Category: Calendar
  • Format: Wall Calendar
  • Edition: Square 12x12 Wrap
  • Number of Pages: 28
  • Author: Browntrout
  • Publication Date: August 1st, 2024
  • Release Date: August 1st, 2024
Physical Description:
  • Size: 11.8 inches by 11.8 inches by 0.3 inches
  • Weight: 0.50044933474 pounds
Click here for more information

The New Yorker Book of Golf Cartoons

Wiley
Released: June 5th, 2012
Hardcover (144 pages)

The New Yorker Book of Golf Cartoons
List Price: $26.00*
Lowest New Price: $16.99*
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Description:
The New Yorker Book of Golf Cartoons
  • Manufacturer: Wiley
  • Brand: Wiley
  • ISBN: 111834202X
  • EAN: 9781118342022
  • PartNumber: 9781118342022
Details:
  • Hardcover
  • Edition: Revised and Updated
  • Number of Pages: 144
  • Publication Date: June 5th, 2012
  • Release Date: June 5th, 2012
Physical Description:
  • Size: 8.499983 inches by 7.901559 inches by 0.700786 inches
  • Weight: 2.314853751 Pounds
Features:
  • Used Book in Good Condition
Click here for more information

Throw, Laugh, Repeat: Disc Golf Humor, Stories, Stats, & Tips

By Eric Mullaly

Staten House
Released: August 11th, 2024
Paperback (135 pages)

Throw, Laugh, Repeat: Disc Golf Humor, Stories, Stats, & Tips
Lowest New Price: $9.99*
In Stock*
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Description:
Throw, Laugh, Repeat: Disc Golf Humor, Stories, Stats, & Tips
  • Manufacturer: Staten House
  • EAN: 9798894963938
  • PartNumber: 9798894963938
Details:
  • Paperback
  • Number of Pages: 135
  • Author: Eric Mullaly
  • Publication Date: August 11th, 2024
  • Release Date: August 11th, 2024
Physical Description:
  • Size: 9.0 Inches by 6.0 Inches by 0.31 Inches
  • Weight: 0.42108292042 pounds
Click here for more information

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